www.ernestines.ca/abuse/index.html “We know that a woman is harmed, maimed or injured every minute of every day. That woman is someone's mother, daughter, sister, lover, wife, friend, in-law, co-worker.”
—Assaulted Women's Helpline
What Is Abuse?
At Ernestine's, we recognize that abuse takes many different forms, ranging from name-calling, emotional and psychological violence to physical and sexual battery. Any woman or child can suffer abuse, regardless of race, class, age, sexual orientation, geographical location and physical challenge. Furthermore, we recognize that negative social attitudes, such as racism, classism, sexism, homophobia and discrimination against differently abled persons, continue to increase the isolation and abuse of women.
Woman Abuse: Dispelling the Myths
Myth Fact
1. Woman abuse is a new social problem. Woman abuse is not new. It has been condoned throughout history. For example, the widely used term "rule of thumb" comes from a 1767 English common law that permitted a husband to "chastise his wife with a whip or rattan no wider than his thumb."
2. Woman abuse occurs more often among certain groups of people. Woman abuse occurs in all ethnic, racial, economic, religious and age groups. However, violence in more affluent groups is often hidden because these women use shelters, legal clinics and other social services less often.
3. Women remain in abusive relationships because they want to stay.
A woman may feel she cannot leave an abusive relationship for many reasons:
* she hopes the relationship will get better
* she doesn't want to break up the family
* her partner's abuse isolates her from friends and family
* she is afraid her family and community will blame her for the abuse or encourage her to stay
* she feels ashamed and blames herself for the abuse
* she fears for her own and her children's safety
* she depends upon her partner's income
* she has lost self-esteem because of her partner's abuse
* she has nowhere else to go
* her partner has threatened to harm her if she leaves
4. Men who assault their partners are mentally ill. The psychological characteristics of batterers are extremely diverse, so much so that no single pathology can be linked to battering. Research shows that no personality traits or clinical factors set abusive men apart from the general population. This is supported by a recent study in which one in 5 Canadian men living with a woman admitted to using violence against his partner.
Most men who assault their partners are not violent outside the home. They do not hit their bosses or colleagues. When abusive men hit their partners, they often aim the blows at parts of the body where bruises don't show. If abusive men were truly mentally ill, they could not selectively limit and control their violence.
For more information on Abuse, visit the following web pages:
* National Centre for Research of Violence Against Women and Children
* Education Wife Assault
Physical Abuse:
*
Hitting; pinching; pushing; punching; shooting; stabbing; cutting; choking; slapping; burning; shoving; using a weapon; physically restraining; intentional interference with basic needs (e.g. food, medicine, sleep)
Isolation/Restricting Freedom:
*
Controlling contacts with friends and family, access to information and participation in groups or organizations, locking up in a room/ restricting mobility; monitoring telephone calls
Psychological and Emotional Abuse:
*
Frequently ignoring woman’s feelings; ridiculing or insulting woman’s most valued beliefs, gender, sexuality, ability, age or sexual orientation; ridiculing or insulting woman’s religion, race, heritage, class or first language; withholding approval, appreciation, and affection; continually criticizing woman, calling woman names, shouting; humiliating in private or in public; refusing to socialize; keeps woman from working, controls the money, makes all decisions; tries to prevent woman from seeing her friends and family; regularly threatens to leave tells woman to leave; manipulates woman with lies and contradictions; uses intimidating facial expressions and/or body posture; accuses woman of being unfaithful; uses sexualized language; verbally abuses the children and pets in household*
Stalking/Harassing Behaviour:
*
Following; turning up at workplace or house; parking outside; repeated phone calls or mail to victim and/or family, friends, colleagues; sending unwanted gifts; stealing mail; threatening harm to the person being stalked, her family, friends, pets; harassing her employer, colleagues or family; vandalizing her car or home; harming pets; assault (physical, sexual, emotional); kidnapping, holding hostage**
Threats and Intimidation:
*
Threatening to harm partner, self or others (children, family, friends, pets); threatening to make reports to authorities that jeopardize child custody, immigration or legal status; threatening to disclose HIV status, threatening to reveal sexual orientation to family, friends, neighbours and/or employers
Economic Abuse:
*
Controlling or stealing money; taking your pay cheque; withholding money from you so that you have no food or cannot get necessary medical treatment; fostering dependency
Sexual Abuse:
*
Sexual touching or sexual activity when you do not consent to it
Sexual Abuse Harassment:
*
Forcing sex or specific acts, pressuring into unwanted sexual behaviour, criticizing sexual performance
Property Destruction:
*
Destroying mementos, breaking furniture or windows, throwing or smashing objects, trashing clothes or other possessions
*http://www.calss.itoronto.ca/pamphlets/
**Metrac. Frequently Asked Questions about Stalking and Criminal Harassment.
www.metrac.org
